Sunday, April 2, 2017

The final chapter!

I will graduate with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree from Oregon Health & Science University in 8 short weeks; a dream that sprouted at age 16 when I began researching nursing schools. Never in a million years, looking back, would I have thought I'd make it to this point! I battled depression in high school that ran deep as I balanced chronic pain and hiding who I was, wondering each day how I'd make it to another. Well, now if I can stand tall as someone who can preach to another in-the-closet teen that "IT GETS BETTER" my life will be complete! Because it does get better. I met someone who complements my soul every single day and makes every day feel like Summer, and I've gotten my body to a healthy point of no chronic pain.

This coming term at school will be hard; 24-36 hours per week in clinical (Doernbecher NICU), working at my job part-time, class, lab, and other life balances will probably stretch me thin...but I am ready and prepared to dominate this term more than any before!!!

Other milestones to celebrate:

I made a lifestyle change 12 weeks ago to become plant-based vegan and not only have I lost 9.6lbs, every aspect of my life has benefited. Almost no anxiety, no indigestion, no eczema, better sleep, etc.

We just booked a "girls" trip to Hawaii for July with one of Holly's friends who is about to move to the east coast to finish her Masters degree in public health. She has never been to Hawaii so our plan is to get her addicted; won't be very hard.

In September Holly and I will be adventuring across the ocean to EUROPE. We will tour around London, Paris, Spain and Amsterdam in that order.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016


I have been a Registered Nurse for almost 4 months now. Since beginning to work in healthcare at age 18 I have seen life. I have seen death. I have felt my heart sink to the bottom of my butthole and my heart beat out my chest. I have seen a person go into cardiac arrest. I have seen a traumatic stillbirth. I have cried with a patient. I have hugged family members. I have wiped butts. I have put catheters in urethras. I have seen homelessness. I have seen drug overdose. I have failed to place an IV. I have succeeded in placing an IV. 

If there's any job that allows you to enter the utmost vulnerable place of another human, it's nursing. It's usually quite raw and ugly considering most people don't seek medical attention if they're fine, but if there's one thing I have's to be calm, considerate, and loving in all of your actions and to treat each patient like you would your favorite human. Some days I wonder what the heck I got myself into, with eczema running wild on my arm, and other days I go home so happy I could cry. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Forari chases a q-tip

I am currently awake because if I lay down my nose plugs like a dam. Then it's no breathing, crusty crust mouth edges, and miserable, coughing me. I seem to only blog when I'm sick lately. What da heck?

In about 4-5 months I will be finishing up my Associates in Nursing aka NURSING SCHOOL and within a month of that I will take and pass (you betta believe it!) the NCLEX. Then I am planning to take summer classes at PSU to meet my bachelors requirements. I'm actually pretty excited to take classes that do not relate to nursing - I'm thinking tap dance and feminist sexuality...yes it's a class.  I will also be working somewhere...possibly in Dialysis but if I can find a nursing job that doesn't require me to be up at 3am then hellz yes I am taking it. Holly and I want to travel and WOOFF. And then Bachelors starts in the fall! Bloody hell I have no idea where I will be going...and probably the next time I get on here to blog (most likely next winter when the next evil bug will strike) I will know. So dear future self, did you end up at OHSU, Linfield, or somewhere else?! Please RSVP soon because I am dying to know. Also, Sam, you need to get some scholarships. Get your shit together. Love, Sam.

***Forari is currently chasing and pawing around a glad he's healthy. He is still quite dumb though. It's a q-tip, man. Give it up***

Hmm what else for a quick update? I miss bad food but I have lost 5lbs in a month (3lbs of that brought to you by this terrible cold). Summer bod here I come. I love essential oils...I love tie dye. I make cloth pads now - I've been off of disposable menstrual products for 4 months now!!! I LOVE IT. And...I want bad food.


Saturday, October 31, 2015

Stages of Grief

My heart strings are so stretched out during this time of the year. Perhaps it's because I'm at the peak of my period, or just because I'm still grieving...

I ache for my grandpa, for his house, for our holiday traditions, family parties, watching movies in "the den" (Hocus Pocus, Halloweentown, and Twitches, FTW!!!), dressing up knowing that we'd spend hours trick-or-treating bups neighborhood, then getting to sort through the candy in his living room, bake our tiny pizza's or cookies from Papa Murphys, then go out for more. We'd always get a pizza, KFC, or Subway to eat for dinner before heading out. I loved the excitement on my grandpa's face when he saw our costumes, or how he reacted to little trick-or-treaters. That man loved kids.

Yet earlier this week I looked through pictures of him, and I didn't recognize him. I didn't recognize the features of his face; not that I've forgotten, but how incredible that as kids we truly do not notice tiny imperfections, nose shapes, eye color, etc...we just notice people for being people. He was my grandpa. I wonder every day what it would be like to get go know him now.

So this time of the year kind of sucks. And now as an "adult" I find myself feeling this huge do I made new memories when so many of them included him and his house?! He passed 8 YEARS ago and I still struggle. Perhaps scientifically and physiologically it's because it happened during a pivotal age (14) when I was still very much developing certain parts of my brain that controlled coping, memory making, etc. I don't know.

This is his house completely renovated; though thankfully it is still completely recognizable as his old house (EXCEPT THAT KITCHEN and basement. Holy shiznits).

How do you just wash away all the above memories though? SO many sleepovers, playing with cousins when they came to visit, my aunt Jeannie and cousin Laurie who would stay the summers, playing in my grandmas sewing room and sewing drawer that she exclusively made for me, so many crafts, so many meals, so many smiles and laughs. And now I can't go back there? You don't just get over that.

I've made it my new goal to someday buy that house. But would that even help? Or would that just remind me of him and all of those memories every day? All I know is that this home was/is special.


Sunday, November 16, 2014


I am sitting on the couch with a fat cat warming my feet. 
There are baby chicks in the room next to me. I can hear them peeping to each other. They're probably talking about the recent nude butt-shot of Kim Kardashian. 
It was a beautiful sunny day outside today but I did not go outside at all. 30 degrees does not sound appealing.
I am sick. First bad cold of the year.
Aunt flow also decided she'd join the party. 
AND...I am healing from a somewhat large tattoo that was done a few days ago. 
THANKFULLY it's the weekend!
Lastly, instead of doing homework I am blogging and watching Greys Anatomy. 

This term at school has been surprisingly easy...and I say that with mass hesitation as I know next term is going to be a huge dose of reality. I am going from:
6 hours of nursing lecture +
4 hour lab +
10 hours of clinical
each week
6 hours of nursing lecture + 
2 hours of Pharmacology +
2 hours of Pathophysiology + 
4 hours of lab + 
15-20 hours of clinical. 
Plus soooo many papers, projects, etc. 

It all worked out perfect that I have been able to work because I can FEED MYSELF and save money! Next term I will not be working at all. I am so grateful for a life where all seems to be working out in my favor. Let's keep it that way, OKAY?!

I love nursing school. Even though I am not super keen on having to interact with people (particularly sick people) for every moment of my work life, I absolutely love what I have been learning in school. I've been getting good scores on all exams and assignments and I absolutely love my cohort already.

Main thing keeping me going is the vision in my head that I have where someday I will be able to afford all organic food, hella awesome Christmas presents for everyone, travel the world, and enjoy waking up for my job each day. I would also like to have my own chocolate farm. Okay. Bye. 

Baby chicks

I love babies. I live for babies. Baby anythings (besides bugs and spiders because come on) will have me drooling. We were originally planning on getting 4 full grown chickens from one of Holly's moms' friends but plans changed when we realized...why not just get chicks?! Then we would see them grow up. It worked out better cost-wise and what a great learning experience!

Yesterday we ventured to a very conveniently close local farm store for these little guys. I want to show them to everyone because they are just deathly cute.

Omlë (named by Holly's mom) - she's a New Hampshire Red. Very calm and sweet. She's the biggest. Pooped on me this morning >>>

Tigerlily (named by Holly)- Amerecuana (the breed that lays multi-colored eggs!). She likes to sleep a lot. 

Yoda (named by me) - Barred Rock 
She's feisty and hates being held. Can't you tell? *quit the sass, Yoda*
Harvy (named by Holly's uncle) - Black australorps. She's the smallest and calmest. She looks like a tiny black bird and will sleep in your hands forever. 
~ Excited for the heat lamp - dancing the Tango obviously ~

Something I did not know about chickens: they grow at such a fast rate (mass cell division) that they basically become narcoleptic from being so overwhelmingly tired. They will go from playing & eating to face-planting the straw.

(If you're wondering)
Materials needed:
  • Breeder (aka any sort of container that they will live in for 12-14 weeks). Our farm lady suggested 110 gallons or bigger. Ours is 110 gallons and was about $10 at Target! As they get older you want to raise the sides with cardboard and eventually cover the top, as they'll fly out. 
  • Non-drafty place in the house to put them. Not a main room. We chose our office. 
  • Water container and feeder - $8. You can make variations of your own but these are great, as the chicks will begin to play in the water and food as they get older. This helps contain it. 
  • Bedding - straw is the best as it's cheap (cheep cheep!) and they won't try to eat it. 
  • Feed - $11 for 6 weeks of feed; a starter grain and grit.
  • Heat lamp. Most people already have a spot-light type of lamp. We did so all we had to buy was the red-heat lamp bulb. $9. 
  • CHICKS! $24. If you go to a local farm they can be as cheap as $1-$3. Ours were $6 each. 
  • Total = about $60. 
Benefits of raising your own chickens:
  • They are extremely low maintenance. Water and food change each day. Clean cage once a week. Play with whenever you want. You just have to monitor the heat lamp mostly. When they get older they remain low maintenance.
  • $$! Holly and I buy one dozen of eggs a week. We only eat organic eggs = $6/week. That's $26 a month. Then Holly's mom and uncle who live on the other side of our house probably buy close to the same. That's $52 each month = OVER $600 A YEAR! 
  • Good teaching experience if you have kids. 
  • Eggs! Around 6-8 months they'll begin laying! They lay anywhere from 3-6 years and will each lay about 1 egg a day in Spring, Summer and Fall. 
  • They'll eat your scraps that you'd usually throw away. 
Later on you'll need some sort of outdoor coop and different types of chicken feed as they age. There are many options for coops and feed. Coops and/or coop materials can be found for cheap on Craigslist. Get one built or make your own. Feed can be found locally for decent prices!

I have learned so much in just a few days and I am so excited to watch these little guys grow!!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Misjudge of Character

Sometimes I feel like there are days/weeks when so many people are mean to me for all the wrong reasons – as if I put off a sour air about me that screams “SAM HAS ILL INTENTIONS." For example, my manager threatening to write me up for calling in, as if my reason for calling in was just to sleep in and as if I was faking my migraine headaches. Possibly unrelated but totally uncalled for and a massive misjudge of my character on her part. Certain people I work with have gotten snappy at me for asking certain questions, when my only intent was to learn. Back when I was training for my now job I asked the teacher a question and she replied, in front of the entire class, with “take your RN hat off, Samantha. You are a technician. You don't need to know that.” Today I had an education class for my work, and on this very warm 85 degree day I got in trouble for wearing shorts, even though we sat there in a lecture the whole time. When I tried to apologize she talked to me in the tone that assumes I'm an uneducated, preppy 21 year old who doesn't know how to dress professional, when she herself was wearing a shirt that showed half of her back, and another classmate was wearing pajamas – why didn't they get called out too? Then there was the time that I went to talk to the judge about a ticket I had received from a red-light camera. Instead of listening to me he cut me off and said “People who have a lot of excuses usually have something bad to excuse.” I think I just forget how cruel some people in this world are. It's ridiculously easy to let that get to you and become the reason why you, too, are sour. It makes me bitter.

This is why we can't judge anyone else by their cover, which makes me wonder what kind of cover I put off. I am 21 years old and I make more money (hourly) than any of my 4 older siblings. Not that money means anything, but what I mean is that I have worked my butt off in school and with my experience in healthcare to make it this far. Soon I will be a nurse with the main intention of helping others and making the money that will push me further with traveling and making my family happy. Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy awesome Christmas presents...okay?!

So to the people who are rude to me for no reason...YOU DON' KNOW MEH.